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Mar. 13th, 2013 06:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shade184 Been to Brisbane twice in the last week. The first time was to attend a close friend's welcoming party for their new(read: somewhat recently)born son, and the second was to take Ali to a Motley Crue concert while I met up with another friend of a few years from there.
Both trips went well, though the first was a bit dull, since I was driving on my own. But something happened on the second. I was hanging out with the guy (who's also named Joseph), and for a long time he's made no secret of the fact that he has a crush on me. Now, I'm not really attracted to dudes. If I found myself attracted to one, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but for the most part they just don't really do anything for me.
Thing is, he was really friendly and nice and cuddly, which I was okay with, and honestly he's an alright bloke. And while we were hanging out, I caught myself thinking "damn, if only you were a woman". I felt awful for that. I've only been really hit on by guys before, and while I'm flattered, I don't really return the sentiment. I dunno. <_< I don't want to be a douche, but I do have a preference, and everything about this guy was great except the fact that I just don't feel any attraction towards him besides standard friendship.
Also, I wonder if I SHOULD be attracted to, or at least not against being with him. And then I wonder if that's me talking or the fact that I'm lonely as shit and I desperately wish I had a significant other. And then I wonder if I'm an idiot for being so impatient. And then I wonder etc etc etc.
Anyways, that's what's weighing on my mind at the moment. "Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to this guy but wishing I was so that I wouldn't be alone?"
Both trips went well, though the first was a bit dull, since I was driving on my own. But something happened on the second. I was hanging out with the guy (who's also named Joseph), and for a long time he's made no secret of the fact that he has a crush on me. Now, I'm not really attracted to dudes. If I found myself attracted to one, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but for the most part they just don't really do anything for me.
Thing is, he was really friendly and nice and cuddly, which I was okay with, and honestly he's an alright bloke. And while we were hanging out, I caught myself thinking "damn, if only you were a woman". I felt awful for that. I've only been really hit on by guys before, and while I'm flattered, I don't really return the sentiment. I dunno. <_< I don't want to be a douche, but I do have a preference, and everything about this guy was great except the fact that I just don't feel any attraction towards him besides standard friendship.
Also, I wonder if I SHOULD be attracted to, or at least not against being with him. And then I wonder if that's me talking or the fact that I'm lonely as shit and I desperately wish I had a significant other. And then I wonder if I'm an idiot for being so impatient. And then I wonder etc etc etc.
Anyways, that's what's weighing on my mind at the moment. "Am I a horrible person for not being attracted to this guy but wishing I was so that I wouldn't be alone?"
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on 2013-03-13 06:28 pm (UTC)Maybe you should talk with him, tell him how you feel, that he's a good friend, that you value him for his friendship.