Anna

So hey, look what I got today!

( In which I ramble a bit about today. Images under cut. )

Next step: Get my proper driver's license, and then sort out enrolling at uni for electrical engineering.

A lot has happened since I wrote my last entry. I said that I would get my electrical ticket and then maybe go into engineering. That may have changed now, though.

( In which I ramble for a bit about what happened. )

Today, one year ago, I started working for Aaron as a painter, in Brisbane. Stopped working four months later, but that was the turning point for when my life changed for the better. I learned to work, I met a lot of awesome people, and I can't wait back to move back there to get my electrical apprenticeship.

I haven't really been posting much lately, have I? A lot's been going on, I actually had to go back through my last couple of entries to see what I was up to.

( In which I talk about my long-term plan. )

Long story short, this is my long-term goal, one I have a solid, definite plan of attack for, one that I can get excited about without feeling guilty. The course starts in two weeks. I have a feeling that these next five years are going to be very interesting. :D

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In other news, I would appreciate prayers/thoughts/vibes for my dear friend umbravita. She's got a busy and challenging year ahead of her, and any help offered would be appreciated. Thank you.

I'm not sure I made this very clear the last time I mentioned it, so I'll clarify. I didn't actually "get" that landscaping work, I was just offered a chance to get it, along with a bunch of other people. All this week I was supposed to get a call for an interview, but it's Friday, and no luck. :(

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... of course, after I made a follow-up phone call this morning to see how my application was progressing, I got offered an interview right away. First thing Monday morning. Funny how that works. ^_^

"You are the product of a trillion accidents, ever since the universe blew into existence. You are marvelous, impossible, brilliant, and terrible. There is so much to experience, and you're capable of experiencing it! You can put words to emotion, you can make music... one of the deepest callings in humanity."

I'm at a really bad stage in my life to be contemplating existentialism. I'm young, I'm strong, but I have no job and I'm bored. When I'm bored, I turn inwards. I used to ask, "Why am I here?" Now that I'm an atheist, I know that there really is no reason for me to be here. I have the freedom to make my own reason, and that's pretty scary for me. I've never been one to do well when there's an overabundance of choice. Most of the time, I freeze up until someone else can take the reins. While I don't really like it, I've got the mentality of a follower, not a leader. (On the other hand, I am a damn good follower. But that's beside the point.)

Actually... hmm.

To be honest, when I started writing this, I was expecting to go into a long, ponderous ramble about existential matters, and hopefully come to a conclusion at the end. Why should I care about anything if nothing matters? If I can choose what matters and what doesn't, how far should I go in choosing my beliefs? How much stock should I put in what other people think?

But to be honest, that's kind of all slipped to the side. In the last few minutes that I've been writing this, I've already decided.

I'm going to scrape money together until I can afford to get my P plates (my driver's license, for any non-Australian readers). As soon as that's done, I'm going to look up north, and try to find work in the mines. They're always looking for unskilled labourers, and you can earn top dollar there. As long as you're willing to do the work, you can make a fortune, and right now there are two things I'm interested: working my arse off and making money. I can't sit at a desk all day and type, I need to get out there and use my body. when I I loved the feeling of getting back home after a hard day of painting and collapsing, knowing I'd done my part.

But I ramble. Point is, I foresee a year of work ahead. I've talked a lot about visiting my friends and travelling overseas and all that jazz, but for that I need money. And where there are mines, there are always two things to be found: work and money.

I think that working will help me mentally, too. While I was painting, I was relatively well-composed, but as I said before, I turn inwards when I'm bored, and I don't like what I see. This very entry came quite close to being an example of that. "Work is the best antidote for sorrow," as a friend once told me, and I want to work.

And now I'm just repeating myself, so I'll leave off here. In the meantime, I'm going to have to scrabble for cash until I can get my license, but once that's out of the way, I can finally kick off and start moving forward. I've done everything there is to do here, time to go.

There were three courses recommended to get me into my desired field. Disability, Community Services, and Allied Health Assistance.

Disability was too far into the course for me to start (which left me rather frustrated). However, I just called up the people for the CS course, and in under five minutes arranged to start tomorrow.

This'll be interesting.

I don't really blog often these days. Used to be I'd post daily, sometimes even multiple times. But now it's hardly ever, thanks to my living situation not really allowing it. Ah well, not much to do about it. :P

( In which I discuss current events. )

So far, this job's been looking good. Steady work, exercise (I'm the kind of person who goes crazy if I'm not doing anything physical, not that I noticed it until now), and something to keep my mind occupied. Except that it doesn't really apply to the last one. Painting is fucking boring, and I spend more time zoned out than I do focusing on the work.

And my boss, Aaron, noticed this. But instead of getting up me, he's actually going to take advantage of my "different strengths", as he called it. We talked for a while, and we've come to an agreement. Instead of a regular apprenticeship, we're going to do it a little differently. Aaron's going to enrol me in courses such as equipment testing, business management and colour consulting, so that he'll have someone on his own team to do it, and I'll also eventually take over the bookwork (which Aaron despises doing). I'll still just be painting for a while, even after I start doing other things, so I'll finish my apprenticeship eventually. Basically, I'll be progressing from apprentice > office bitch > supervisor > manager > resident painting expert. The idea is that this'll take longer than the standard four years, but I'll come out with way more skills than if I just did a regular apprenticeship.

At first, I was reluctant, and I was surprised that he'd be willing to take a chance on me. But fuck it. I need work, and if this guy wants me to be his Dragon, I'll take it. I'm not about to turn something like this down over a little thing like "OMG I'm a scared little wuss and I'd rather work at Maccas". (Okay, so maybe not like that, but you get the idea. XD) I can always quit if I get a better offer - and I don't see a better offer coming anytime soon.

So. The trial period is over, and I've got the job. Time to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

My temper nearly got the better of me tonight. Everything was niggling at me and wanted me to do this or that, and my brain just shut down from the sheer frustration. All I wanted to do was roar at everybody to shut up, maybe break a few walls, then go have a hot shower and sleep in my nice warm bed. Fortunately, I've calmed myself down a little.

Most of the time I have a crazy level of control over my emotions, except when lots of little things gang up on me. Then it just builds up until either I remove myself from the situation, or I snap and explode/panic/otherwise freak out.

I'm just about to leave for work now. A few minutes ago, Mum pulled me aside and pressed a couple of bags of those little Easter eggs into my hand. For some reason, that nearly brought me to tears. We don't even celebrate Easter, yet my mum gave me something that would help me feel a little better.

So now, I'm just quickly typing this out as the little boys go to the toilet before the trip. (Number one rule of taking young children on trips, haha.) I feel a lot better, now, and hopefully work will help me, too. Hard work always makes me feel better when I'm angry, and now that I'm getting used to this workload, I can actually start to refocus my negative emotions into energy for doing something constructive.

Bye, everyone. Love you all, and I'll see you when you get back. <3