Anna

I was at Red Rooster yesterday, getting a snack for the ride home. There were two young, very attractive people serving there, a man and a woman, neither of whom likely to have been over twenty, and they were alternating between taking orders and filling them in that quiet hour of the day. 

Greg and I were standing there, having ordered our food, when the man walked behind the woman and accidentally tripped over her foot. It was nothing major, and he didn't fall over - it was just a little stumble. She jumped and laughed, and he sort of laughed too and apologised; I could tell that they didn't know each other very well, but were on good terms. They kept chuckling and looking back and joking as they got the food, and it was absolutely adorable.

My first thought: "I ship it."

My second thought: "Ahahaha, shit."

It's too late. I am beyond help. XD

It's often said, with a grim smile, that you learn who your real friends are when you fall on hard times. A friend in [times of] need is a friend indeed, right?

Well, today I learned that the reverse is true, too. When you're dealing with strife, you can learn just how many friends you have.

Today I got into a fight with my parents. The details are unimportant; all that needs tto be said is that the final result was my decision to move out. As in, that very day. I cleaned out my room, packed what I could and stored the rest. My mate Greg is letting me stay at his place for a few days. On Monday I'm sorting out Centrelink; if it's enough, I'll be moving in with an old friend who's offered me the room she's been desperate to rent out. It should be enough.

The decision was easy enough to make, but it kinda left me reeling. I'm adaptable to change and moving out, but still, the way it all worked out was quite a shock to my system. :/ I sobbed a bit, made a few calls, started cleaning my room. Thankfully, cleaning calms me, and I could tell that this was the better decision in the long run. In fact, after thinking clearly about it, I was feeling good. Really good, in fact. I needed this! All this time I've been so desperate to move out, and at last I'm getting the boot up the arse I've been needing to push me into action.

And the support kinda blew my mind. My two best friends helped me calm down and rationalise; Greg and his dad have offered me both a place to stay and a backup if Centrelink baulks (his dad's a JP and will vouch for me); Ali's got a room for me; several other friends, both online and IRL, have offered help and/or moral support. I didn't know I even HAD this many friends. Needless to say, I'm feeling rather loved right now.

So. Today was spent unwinding and getting out. Tomorrow I do an assignment that needs to be finished ASAP, and on Monday I mail it in and pay Centrelink a visit, to see how much I can get after being kicked out. (In case it wasn't obvious what REALLY happened, hehe.) If they'll give me enough I can confirm my new housemate status.

This is turning out to be a blessing in disguise, no? :) I'm glad to finally be moving forward. Winging it is what I do best, and I'm in my element.

Been thinking a LOT about life and stuff, the things I want to do, and the shit holding me back. Not just engineering and other career-related stuff, but also why I haven't done so well in my efforts to stick to things like drawing and writing and music.

( In which I discuss how I am going to to move forward. )

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( Teeth, of all things. )

Oh. Forgot to mention, I was told not to come in today. My ride was late getting away, and when I called my work experience boss and told him I'd be 15 minutes late, he said not to bother, since everyone would be gone by then. I'm guessing they had an distant job that wouldn't take them back to the depot any time during the day.

So. That went well. But on a brighter note, I won't be needing any references from him because I'm not getting into electrical. And I have a whole comic to catch up on, an awesome game to finish, and a book to read. I'm set for today.

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Plan:

Monday-Wednesday:
- Go to TAFE.
- Finish everything off.
- Talk with trainer about engineering plans. See what will be the best option.

Thursday: 
-Graduate.

Later:
- See if I can get assistance from Campbell Page again for the rest of my license requirements.
IF SO: Get my motherfucking license ASAP.
IF NOT: Save every cent until I can afford it myself.

In The Meantime:
- Consider the uni options as discussed by trainer, enrol, get my arse into study mode.
- See what happens

A lot has happened since I wrote my last entry. I said that I would get my electrical ticket and then maybe go into engineering. That may have changed now, though.

( In which I ramble for a bit about what happened. )

Today, one year ago, I started working for Aaron as a painter, in Brisbane. Stopped working four months later, but that was the turning point for when my life changed for the better. I learned to work, I met a lot of awesome people, and I can't wait back to move back there to get my electrical apprenticeship.

Welp, I didn't get the job. Time for plan B - skip straight to training for a mining job. Pfft, who needs money?

In other news, my birthday (the 23rd) was pretty good. :) Got a new wallet from my mum (which I desperately needed, and was actually pretty close to buying myself), and apparently something else is coming in the mail, which I'm looking forward to. A couple of friends made me arts, which were and are lovely. ^_^ Not to mention, it ended with getting some major personal drama sorted out. All in all, a good day.

Oh! I forgot mention them before, but there were some flood warnings for my state, which worried everyone because of what happened almost exactly a year ago. Thankfully, while it's still raining a lot here, the flood warnings have been retracted, which is a massive relief.

Hmm... that's pretty much it, as far as I can recall. Tomorrow is Australia Day, which means I'll have to wait 'til Friday to start sorting things out.

Today has been fantastic. Warning, rambling ahead. :)

( In which I natter on about the finer details of my day. That's really all it is, I just say what happened. )

And at last, I've had a shower, had dinner, and am relaxing after a long, productive day. Got a job, cleared my room, dealt with issues. Couldn't ask for more.

"You are the product of a trillion accidents, ever since the universe blew into existence. You are marvelous, impossible, brilliant, and terrible. There is so much to experience, and you're capable of experiencing it! You can put words to emotion, you can make music... one of the deepest callings in humanity."

I'm at a really bad stage in my life to be contemplating existentialism. I'm young, I'm strong, but I have no job and I'm bored. When I'm bored, I turn inwards. I used to ask, "Why am I here?" Now that I'm an atheist, I know that there really is no reason for me to be here. I have the freedom to make my own reason, and that's pretty scary for me. I've never been one to do well when there's an overabundance of choice. Most of the time, I freeze up until someone else can take the reins. While I don't really like it, I've got the mentality of a follower, not a leader. (On the other hand, I am a damn good follower. But that's beside the point.)

Actually... hmm.

To be honest, when I started writing this, I was expecting to go into a long, ponderous ramble about existential matters, and hopefully come to a conclusion at the end. Why should I care about anything if nothing matters? If I can choose what matters and what doesn't, how far should I go in choosing my beliefs? How much stock should I put in what other people think?

But to be honest, that's kind of all slipped to the side. In the last few minutes that I've been writing this, I've already decided.

I'm going to scrape money together until I can afford to get my P plates (my driver's license, for any non-Australian readers). As soon as that's done, I'm going to look up north, and try to find work in the mines. They're always looking for unskilled labourers, and you can earn top dollar there. As long as you're willing to do the work, you can make a fortune, and right now there are two things I'm interested: working my arse off and making money. I can't sit at a desk all day and type, I need to get out there and use my body. when I I loved the feeling of getting back home after a hard day of painting and collapsing, knowing I'd done my part.

But I ramble. Point is, I foresee a year of work ahead. I've talked a lot about visiting my friends and travelling overseas and all that jazz, but for that I need money. And where there are mines, there are always two things to be found: work and money.

I think that working will help me mentally, too. While I was painting, I was relatively well-composed, but as I said before, I turn inwards when I'm bored, and I don't like what I see. This very entry came quite close to being an example of that. "Work is the best antidote for sorrow," as a friend once told me, and I want to work.

And now I'm just repeating myself, so I'll leave off here. In the meantime, I'm going to have to scrabble for cash until I can get my license, but once that's out of the way, I can finally kick off and start moving forward. I've done everything there is to do here, time to go.

So tomorrow I'm heading up to town again, to do another resume run. What that basically means is that I go around the town, hand out resumes everywhere, and hope that the "shotgun effect" actually hits something.

I'm not really looking forward to it. Anyone who's known me for a while will probably be aware that finding a job has been a MAJOR difficulty of mine for years now, and that I've only ever been truly employed once, earlier on this year.

Yeah, I know, making a big fuss about nothing and all that good stuff. The only reason I'm actually bringing it up is so that you guys can hold me accountable for actually making an effort tomorrow, because I know I won't hold myself accountable. <_<

You might be wondering why I wouldn't be making an effort? Short answer: Because getting constantly rejected for almost three years straight tends to convince once that there really is no fucking point. Buuuut here I am, ready to hit the streets tomorrow, and I need SOME form of motivation, so I guess the next best thing is knowing that y'all are going to get up me if I don't post another journal tomorrow saying that I handed some out.

Therefore, if I don't write another journal entry within 24 hours, and do not provide a legitimate excuse, you are cordially invited to get mad at me, for my own good.