Yet another overanalysis.
May. 30th, 2010 12:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shade184I hung out with Jess again yesterday. Met her boyfriend. I'm impressed - this fellow seems like a decent bloke... heh, I've given him the Joseph Kennedy Seal of Approval(TM). (Underneath his rather hardcore shell, he's a total fucking Elder Scrolls nerd! Plus he thinks Morrowind is the better game. Hellz yeah.) I beat him at Halo 3 as well - 25 to 22. It was good, we were pretty evenly matched. Jess says he's usually rather shy, but we got along just fine. It was the whole gamer thing, definitely.
We went down to the pub that arvo; me, Jess and Lewis; had a beer or two. Lewis was bored, so he took a few dollars and blew it on the pokies while Jess and I talked about things. Also, I ended up smoking a few cigarattes. Again. *facepalm* I rarely see Jess, maybe once or twice a month, and I don't always smoke with her when I see her, so it's not really that big a deal. But it could lead to something worse, later in life. I shouldn't smoke with her. It was almost kind of a good thing this time actually, it helped me loosen up when I really needed it. But I won't next time.
After talking about stuff for a while, Lewis comes back with another drink for each of us, he was in a good mood. Turns out he'd won fifty dollars on the pokies. I don't know how he did it, but it was pretty cool. And like I said, he shouted us all another round, so that was good.
That evening, after I'd gone home, I was thinking about my friends. I can't really say I don't have any friends, anymore. I'm just relatively inaccessable to them. The few that I know personally live in Brisbane or Toowoomba, and the rest live far, far away. Like, thousands of kilometres. And in thinking, I've started to wonder about my changing friendships. A few years ago, Em and I were so, so close. I mean, godDAMN we were close. It was freaky, we were the closest a pair could get to like, married close, if either of us had had any sexual desire for the other. (We didn't.) We were just friends, but fuggin' good ones. And now, I haven't spoken to her in nearly two years. Then you have Annie. We were close too. Not as close as Em and me, but still good mates. We haven't spoken much lately, either. Becca I love like a sister, but she lives in Brisbane, and I don't get to talk to her much because of her work, and I don't want to be responsible for hogging all her free time. We're planning to catch up someday, although that might not be for a few months. Jess, I see every so often, and that's good. But it's kinda awkward, what with her having a boyfriend and everything (although I must say, it's nowhere near as bad as it could be - at least Lewis and I get along).
And Greg. He's a good bloke, but he's also quite capable of being a judgemental basterd, who cannot stand being wrong. He's slightly Aspergers, which doesn't help either. Basically, I don't know what he sees in me, but I'm not sure I want to know, because I sometimes find myself treated like a little fucking child. It's weird... he's a nice guy, but there are some things that he is completely incapable of understanding. I won't go into detail. And no, he's not like that all the time. Most of the times he just acts like a normal person. *cough* I've over-analysing it.
I'm just thinking... my friendships have changed. I miss my old ones, and I want new ones. Hehe, it's weird when half your friends are people you've never met. I'm just so hard to get to. I live in a small town, with no car, a huge family (and therefore I can't just get someone to drive me up whenever), I'm STILL fucking unemployed, so I have no money. I just want to be a normal person.
Also, happy birthday to Dusty! Her 18th birthday was forty-four minutes ago.
We went down to the pub that arvo; me, Jess and Lewis; had a beer or two. Lewis was bored, so he took a few dollars and blew it on the pokies while Jess and I talked about things. Also, I ended up smoking a few cigarattes. Again. *facepalm* I rarely see Jess, maybe once or twice a month, and I don't always smoke with her when I see her, so it's not really that big a deal. But it could lead to something worse, later in life. I shouldn't smoke with her. It was almost kind of a good thing this time actually, it helped me loosen up when I really needed it. But I won't next time.
After talking about stuff for a while, Lewis comes back with another drink for each of us, he was in a good mood. Turns out he'd won fifty dollars on the pokies. I don't know how he did it, but it was pretty cool. And like I said, he shouted us all another round, so that was good.
That evening, after I'd gone home, I was thinking about my friends. I can't really say I don't have any friends, anymore. I'm just relatively inaccessable to them. The few that I know personally live in Brisbane or Toowoomba, and the rest live far, far away. Like, thousands of kilometres. And in thinking, I've started to wonder about my changing friendships. A few years ago, Em and I were so, so close. I mean, godDAMN we were close. It was freaky, we were the closest a pair could get to like, married close, if either of us had had any sexual desire for the other. (We didn't.) We were just friends, but fuggin' good ones. And now, I haven't spoken to her in nearly two years. Then you have Annie. We were close too. Not as close as Em and me, but still good mates. We haven't spoken much lately, either. Becca I love like a sister, but she lives in Brisbane, and I don't get to talk to her much because of her work, and I don't want to be responsible for hogging all her free time. We're planning to catch up someday, although that might not be for a few months. Jess, I see every so often, and that's good. But it's kinda awkward, what with her having a boyfriend and everything (although I must say, it's nowhere near as bad as it could be - at least Lewis and I get along).
And Greg. He's a good bloke, but he's also quite capable of being a judgemental basterd, who cannot stand being wrong. He's slightly Aspergers, which doesn't help either. Basically, I don't know what he sees in me, but I'm not sure I want to know, because I sometimes find myself treated like a little fucking child. It's weird... he's a nice guy, but there are some things that he is completely incapable of understanding. I won't go into detail. And no, he's not like that all the time. Most of the times he just acts like a normal person. *cough* I've over-analysing it.
I'm just thinking... my friendships have changed. I miss my old ones, and I want new ones. Hehe, it's weird when half your friends are people you've never met. I'm just so hard to get to. I live in a small town, with no car, a huge family (and therefore I can't just get someone to drive me up whenever), I'm STILL fucking unemployed, so I have no money. I just want to be a normal person.
Also, happy birthday to Dusty! Her 18th birthday was forty-four minutes ago.