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shade184I've been back for a while, but I haven't written anything in that time. But my, a lot has happened.
Perhaps the most ground-shaking was the return of the prodigal girlfriend, who abandoned me after I totally fucked things up between us. She dumped me, and disappeared for a year until yesterday, I get a message from her saying "Hey, what's up?". Needless to say, I was a bit confused. Everyone who knows her says she hates my guts, but here she was. And it wasn't a fake; in the replies that followed she mentioned something that only she would know and wouldn't tell anyone else.
I hope she doesn't want to get back with me. She's a lovely girl, but things just wouldn't work between us. Our previous relationship lasted less than three months, ffs. And I'm crushing majorly on somebody else, too. Not that said crush is even aware of my feelings for her.
For more long-term things, I finally enrolled in uni. Because year 12 was a spectacular failure for me, I have to do a six-month bridging course (called the Tertiary Preparation Course, or TPP), but after that I'm guaranteed a place in the class of my choice. This is good.
One of my mates had to take some forms up to the uni, so I went with him to hand in my enrolment forms at the same time. Afterwards he showed me around. It was brilliant. It was like a school environment, but is was so mature. No angsty school kids, no teacher restrictions, there were vending machines everywhere (which gave a sensation of free will). Think school, but good. This is a place where adults choose to come and learn, not a place where children are forced to attend and slack about. I can't wait.
In the meantime, I'm swamped with ideas for both writing and drawing. But nothing's working! It's all coming out in a jumbled mess. Each idea feels too good to put aside, even temporarily. Of course I write all my ideas down (the first trick I learned about writing), but they still all come out at once, manifesting in characters, locations, plots, and various other mediums. I write, but all that comes out is mindless drivel that sounds like it's been written by a six-year-old. I draw, but it doesn't flow. It was flowing a little before, but no longer. I just sit there, pencil in hand and stare at the paper.
What I need is motivation. I need some reason to do what I do - draw, write, or otherwise. Usually the beat helps, but not these days. My work needs to fit the beat. But the beat is staggered right now. I can feel it, but I can't project it into my work.
Actually, the beat's been messed up ever since I got back from that trip to Brissy last month. It was perfect during the stay, but completely fucked since then. I wonder what happened.
I can't sleep.
Perhaps the most ground-shaking was the return of the prodigal girlfriend, who abandoned me after I totally fucked things up between us. She dumped me, and disappeared for a year until yesterday, I get a message from her saying "Hey, what's up?". Needless to say, I was a bit confused. Everyone who knows her says she hates my guts, but here she was. And it wasn't a fake; in the replies that followed she mentioned something that only she would know and wouldn't tell anyone else.
I hope she doesn't want to get back with me. She's a lovely girl, but things just wouldn't work between us. Our previous relationship lasted less than three months, ffs. And I'm crushing majorly on somebody else, too. Not that said crush is even aware of my feelings for her.
For more long-term things, I finally enrolled in uni. Because year 12 was a spectacular failure for me, I have to do a six-month bridging course (called the Tertiary Preparation Course, or TPP), but after that I'm guaranteed a place in the class of my choice. This is good.
One of my mates had to take some forms up to the uni, so I went with him to hand in my enrolment forms at the same time. Afterwards he showed me around. It was brilliant. It was like a school environment, but is was so mature. No angsty school kids, no teacher restrictions, there were vending machines everywhere (which gave a sensation of free will). Think school, but good. This is a place where adults choose to come and learn, not a place where children are forced to attend and slack about. I can't wait.
In the meantime, I'm swamped with ideas for both writing and drawing. But nothing's working! It's all coming out in a jumbled mess. Each idea feels too good to put aside, even temporarily. Of course I write all my ideas down (the first trick I learned about writing), but they still all come out at once, manifesting in characters, locations, plots, and various other mediums. I write, but all that comes out is mindless drivel that sounds like it's been written by a six-year-old. I draw, but it doesn't flow. It was flowing a little before, but no longer. I just sit there, pencil in hand and stare at the paper.
What I need is motivation. I need some reason to do what I do - draw, write, or otherwise. Usually the beat helps, but not these days. My work needs to fit the beat. But the beat is staggered right now. I can feel it, but I can't project it into my work.
Actually, the beat's been messed up ever since I got back from that trip to Brissy last month. It was perfect during the stay, but completely fucked since then. I wonder what happened.
I can't sleep.
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no subject
on 2010-02-14 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-02-14 04:47 pm (UTC)I guess I'll just have to wait and see.