Meaning.

[shade184]

It's always interesting when you learn that you don't mean as much to somebody as you think you do.

 

There are many ways for this realisation to occur, and many situations it can occur within. This particular version is something we've all had happen to us. We know someone whom we're close to – either by friendship or blood – and we do, in fact, mean a lot to them. They mean the world to you, and you know that you'd do anything for them. Your friendship with them makes life worth living.

But then, the rose-tinted glasses are pulled away, and perspective sets in. They off-handedly mention a name, one that you've never heard before. You ask them about it, and they say something like, “Oh, X? We've been friends for ages!” And you're shocked. In all this time, you've never heard anything about this mystery person. When you discover that X has been your friend's closest pal since childhood, or that they are always hanging out, or that – god forbid – they've been dating, and all this without your knowledge of the person's existence, you're devastated.

What has happened here? Lack of communication. You thought you were their one and only, and to the extent of your knowledge, you were. They didn't tell you about X because they didn't remember, or they didn't see the need to. And that's their right, it's not like they're obliged to tell you, or betraying you if they don't. You better believe it - your friend did care about you, a lot. Both of you are perfectly innocent; nobody's done anything wrong.

But friendships have been destroyed because of this communication breakdown, some of mine included. Why? Why has a simple lack of communication broken down the closest of friendships? I think you can figure that one out on your own if you think about it enough. But please, if this does happen to you, please try your hardest to deal with it. Maybe tell the person without accusing them; I find that letters (not emails) are great for this. Not mentioning it can build up a lot of tension that can only lead to an outbusrt, one that is usually lethal to the relationship unless handled correctly on both parts. Just, don't accuse. They haven't done anything wrong. And if they accuse you, don't fight back with accusations. It's common sense, people. I know how hard it is. I've succumbed to the urge to accuse, and I've paid very, very dearly for it. Which is why I beg people not to do it.

And whatever you do, don't even think of doing a passive-aggressive hint. Either they'll never pick up on it, or someone who is invaribly the wrong person will pick up on it and think you're talking to them. For example, an online journal entry like this one. This post is not a hint to anyone. I'm actually posting it because of something I saw happen to a friend I visited recently, and I just wanted to talk about it, if only out-loud-to-myself.

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In other news, my parcel, which should have arrived today, didn't. Looks like I'm gonna have to wait till Monday.

A question for the masses. (And by masses, I mean the one person who reads this damn thing, and maybe someone who ends up on my flist later who decides to look back over older posts - I really do need to expand my flist.)

*cough* Okay. Question. Do people want pics? Of the contents of the package, I mean. I've never done pics in this journal before, aside from quizzes, so I don't even know if it's really appropriate. It's just an experiment. :)

Comments

[hallowspite]

I know how that feels. But I'd actually recommend leaving it be - there's a reason they didn't tell you. If you didn't mean as much to them as you thought you did, talking to them is not going to make it better. You can't force them to like you more. And if they don't hold you as dear to them as you thought - then maybe it's for the best. I don't believe in forcing things. It just leads to resentment and bitterness.

But I'm a very tough-love kind of girl.

And friendship isn't like a romantic relationship. (Unless this IS a romantic relationship you're talking about.) You're (general you) not obligated to know everything about a friend, and having been there, it's a bit controlling if you are. It's something I struggle with myself. One of my closest online friends, whom I spend almost all my time with, barely tells me anything. That's just how she is, and it hurts me, but I'm not going to force her, because she actually tells me more than she's ever told anyone she ever met online, even if it's only a little. What information I do get is because I let her tell me at her own pace, and didn't make her tell me, and so she came to see me as safe.

(This reeks of bitterness. Sorry.)

What's in this mysterious package? :o

[shade184]

Heh, yeah. I've had this happen to me several times. I'm the listener, y'know? The empath. People trust me. Nearly everyone I know has entrusted me with something or another. Usually the big secrets. And this kinda gets the idea into my head that I actually mean something to them. Guess again, sunshine.

But I'm not bitter anymore, not for most of them. I'm used to it. Thing is, this happens to me every single time I meet someone new, online or offline. No exceptions. I truly understand with all my heart if you feel bitter.

Fortunately, there's only one person I still feel truly betrayed by. But they were an exception. The rest are all just dull aches now, with the occasional flare. The escapism tactic won't last forever, and one day video games just won't cut it anymore. But I'll deal with it.


Ah, the package. The mysterious package. You'll see. Mwahaha.

Curious yet? *raises eyebrow*

[hallowspite]

_{This sounds sexual.}

[shade184]

You better believe it. :P