Another weekend begins.
May. 13th, 2011 09:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shade184Well, I'm back.
I gotta say, my perspective regarding painting is changing dramatically. What's this? He's actually starting to enjoy it?
I am, in fact. I enjoy the exercise and productivity, haven't felt this healthy in years, and I have all the time I could possibly want to daydream in (not that I want to always daydream, but it's bearable for now). But I really do wish I had better access to the internet, and that I didn't live on my own (or at least, that I had friends living nearby).
It's a weird tradeoff. The life I lead up until I took this job is not going to be the same. And until I change jobs, which may not happen for a long time if I decide to take this apprenticeship, my presence on the internet will be greatly reduced.
I guess my biggest fear is that people will forget me. Unlike in RL, where I was happy for most of the people I knew to move on without me, some of my online friends are extremely dear to me, and I worry that they'll leave me behind.
But that's just me. I have serious abandonment issues, and as much as it hurts I really have to build a bridge and get the fuck over it. Doable, but neither easy nor fun, and will take some time.
The idea is that once I have my car and a place of my own, I'll be able to settle in and actually live somewhere, in a territory of my own. I'm not the least bit territorial (a side benefit of having a large family), but I do need a place where I can actually live. Maybe I'd meet a girl, try again at having a relationship. There was a time when I felt that it would not be a good thing, and in truth, it wasn't. But the feeling is starting to come back. Once I am settled, I might just begin looking for companionship more actively.
(Interestingly enough, the thought of being in a relationship triggers the fear in me that I'd be abandoning my own friends. How quaint.)
TL;DR: The job's getting better, and I'm even starting to enjoy it, but I'm so lonely in my new life.
I gotta say, my perspective regarding painting is changing dramatically. What's this? He's actually starting to enjoy it?
I am, in fact. I enjoy the exercise and productivity, haven't felt this healthy in years, and I have all the time I could possibly want to daydream in (not that I want to always daydream, but it's bearable for now). But I really do wish I had better access to the internet, and that I didn't live on my own (or at least, that I had friends living nearby).
It's a weird tradeoff. The life I lead up until I took this job is not going to be the same. And until I change jobs, which may not happen for a long time if I decide to take this apprenticeship, my presence on the internet will be greatly reduced.
I guess my biggest fear is that people will forget me. Unlike in RL, where I was happy for most of the people I knew to move on without me, some of my online friends are extremely dear to me, and I worry that they'll leave me behind.
But that's just me. I have serious abandonment issues, and as much as it hurts I really have to build a bridge and get the fuck over it. Doable, but neither easy nor fun, and will take some time.
The idea is that once I have my car and a place of my own, I'll be able to settle in and actually live somewhere, in a territory of my own. I'm not the least bit territorial (a side benefit of having a large family), but I do need a place where I can actually live. Maybe I'd meet a girl, try again at having a relationship. There was a time when I felt that it would not be a good thing, and in truth, it wasn't. But the feeling is starting to come back. Once I am settled, I might just begin looking for companionship more actively.
(Interestingly enough, the thought of being in a relationship triggers the fear in me that I'd be abandoning my own friends. How quaint.)
TL;DR: The job's getting better, and I'm even starting to enjoy it, but I'm so lonely in my new life.
no subject
on 2011-05-13 11:56 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-14 12:05 am (UTC)